Shooting My Better Judgment in the Foot

WARNING: MUSHINESS MAY OR MAY NOT BE PRESENT. YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY. CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE USING. (IF I AM YOUR PHYSICIAN, WELL, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO READ THIS ANYWAY...). GUARANTEED FRESH UNTIL PRINTED DATE. ANY REBLOG-CAST WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OF ABC AND THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE IS PROHIBITED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

----------you've been warned...also, this should have gotten posted about 3 weeks ago----------

Ok, so I was planning on writing about one of these a week, to just keep up with life and force myself into a writing regimen. Then this week started, and I realized that my life is currently way too random for something so structured.


I spent most of the summer worrying and waiting, and writing about worrying and waiting. Exciting stuff right there, to be sure, but pretty soon I forgot that there's still something at the end of the tunnel, and that worrying for the sake of worrying is a stupid way to live. So, here I am....with a girl who says she can stand me, classes that are as easy as advertised, and a job that will only sometimes crowd out my social life.


First, let me just say that when you spend so long thinking about something and then it actually happens, it can feel like Christmas. At the same time, I can't bring myself to trust it very much, considering her and my track records. Chief of naysayers though I be (+10 points for getting that warped hymn reference), I'm still hoping a little. She's great, and I'm almost ready to entertain the thought that one date could finally turn into something special. If anything, I almost feel guilty for giving in and being happy; and here's where my messed-up, introverted way of thinking kicks in. Happiness in this way is opening me up to getting really hurt, if given the time. And several short relationships have made me pretty touchy when it comes to 'just taking it easy and enjoying it.' We've both been afraid the other is going to drop the other, and after hacking through all of that irony, it's a legitimate fear. We've both already told the other that we didn't think this could work.


But that was before the summer. Things are different now, and I just have to make the best of it, whether I feel brave about it or not. I have just scratched the surface of her shyness, and in some ways we are really, really different.


But in other ways, we get along well. I still don't feel like we're very close yet, but that's what time is for. Just, don't get me started on the concept of time and the decision to consider this knowing she's gone in December....or I might yell a lot.